Why some questions turn you on and others kill the mood

A blunt question about the details sounds like a survey and puts the other person on the spot: answering honestly is awkward, and saying no feels like ruining the game. A good dirty question works differently. It asks about fantasies, impressions, and sensations, and it can be answered with one word or a whole story.

  • About feelings, not anatomy. "What's the first thing that gets you about a person?" is more interesting than any blunt question.
  • With room to breathe. The other person decides how deep to go.
  • Mutual. If you're not ready to answer your own question, don't ask it.

Three rules of the game

  1. Whoever asks, answers first. That way the other person sees how long and how candid an answer you're expecting.
  2. Any question can be skipped. No explanations, no "come on, tell me," no hurt feelings.
  3. Only with someone who's flirting right now. If they're giving short answers or changing the subject, dirty questions will feel like pressure.

The boldness ladder: five levels

Go up one step at a time, and only when you can tell they're enjoying it. Jumping from level one to level four is like kissing someone you just said hi to.