Things to Talk About With a Girl: 30 Questions From Light to Deep

How to use this list

Thirty questions in a row is a survey, and she'll feel it by question three. Keep the list in your back pocket: pick two or three that fit what you're already talking about and pull them out when the conversation stalls. The rest of the time, listen and ask about what she's told you herself.

8 light questions to get started

They don't ask her to open up, and they're fun to answer even for someone she barely knows.

• What are you watching right now, and would you recommend it?
• Are you a morning person or a night owl — and is that a choice or fate?
• What's your perfect day off when you don't have to rush anywhere?
• Where did you last travel, and what stuck with you most?
• What dish do you cook better than anyone you know?
• What annoys you most about waiting in line?
• What app do you open most often — and are you embarrassed about it?
• Tea or coffee — and how exactly?

12 questions that need an opinion

These aren't about facts anymore but about how she sees things. Questions like these shift the conversation from swapping data to actually getting to know each other.

• What movie does everyone love that you didn't like?
• What skill would you want to learn overnight?
• What era would you like to live in for a week?
• What do you think is overrated?
• What childhood advice turned out to be true, and what was nonsense?
• What does a person need to have for them to be interesting to talk to?
• What's the weirdest thing you've ever done for a friend?
• If you could change one thing about your city, what would it be?
• What book or movie changed your mind about something?
• Is it better to be really good at one thing or decent at lots of things?
• What do you do when you need a quick mood boost?
• What family tradition do you like most?

Answer your own questions. If you asked which movie she didn't like, share yours too. That shows you're genuinely curious, not just checking boxes.

10 deep questions for when there's trust

These need openness. Ask them when it's not your first evening together and the conversation has drifted that way on its own.

• How are you different now from who you were five years ago?
• Who has influenced you the most?
• What were you afraid of as a kid, and are you still?
• What do you forgive easily, and what never?
• What decision do you regret?
• What decision are you proud of, even though nobody noticed?
• What does "home" mean to you?
• When did you last feel truly free?
• What would you tell your sixteen-year-old self?
• What do you want but are scared to try?

The rule that matters more than the list

You asked what dish she cooks best. She said: "Syrniki (Russian cottage cheese pancakes), but only my grandma's recipe — there's a secret ingredient." Don't jump to the next question on the list. Ask: "What ingredient? Or is it actually secret and I have to earn it?" One detail from her answer is worth more than all thirty questions: it shows you're listening.

More on this technique in what to talk about with a girl, and how it works with anyone in conversation topics.

Three things that kill any topic

• Back-to-back questions. After two questions, share something of your own, or it turns into an interview.
• A question without your own answer. If you ask about her fears but stay quiet about yours, the interest looks one-sided.
• Bad timing. "What decision do you regret?" in the first half hour feels like pressure. Save deep topics for when the conversation gets there by itself.

How to ask questions over text

Same rules in a chat, just stricter: one question per message. Send three and she'll answer the last one. And don't start with "can I ask you something?" — just ask. If you haven't started texting yet, check out how to start a conversation with a girl first.

Where to practice

To make questions sound natural instead of read off a cheat sheet, it helps to say them out loud first. On my-idol.ru the characters answer in character: a chatty student council girl will run with any light topic, a scientist will start arguing on the opinion questions, and the wanderer Ciri or the thousand-year-old elf Frieren will answer the deep ones in their own way. Try asking the same question to different characters — and practice the main thing: a follow-up question about a detail in the answer.