What to Talk About With a Girl: 6 Topics That Keep Going and One Rule That Matters More

Why "how are you" doesn't work

"How are you?" "Good." "What are you up to?" "Relaxing." "Cool." The conversation is dead, even though you both wanted to talk. Closed questions get short answers, and after each one you have to start from scratch.

An open question starts with "what," "how" or "why" and calls for a story. "What was the funniest thing that happened this week?" instead of "how was your week?" The difference seems small, but the conversation goes completely differently after it.

Six topics that keep going

1. What she's watching, listening to or reading right nowNot "what shows do you like?" but "what are you watching right now, and is it worth it?" Current stuff is easier to recall than all-time favorites, and it shows what she's into this week.
2. Work, but through storiesNot "what do you do?" but "what's the weirdest request you've ever gotten from a client?" A job title is a line on a profile. A story from work is a conversation.
3. Childhood and hometown"What did you do over the summers as a kid?" "What does your hometown have that nowhere else does?" People love to reminisce, and you learn where she comes from.
4. Dreams and plansStart small: "Where would you go if your vacation started tomorrow?" Big dreams can wait until there's trust.
5. Small annoyances"What bugs you about people on the subway?" "What word would you ban?" Complaining about little things together is fun and brings you closer fast.
6. Shared contextHow you met, mutual friends, the place you saw each other. "Did you really come to that party just for the cake?"

What's too soon

• Exes. Even if she brings them up herself, don't dig for details in the first few dates.
• Money and salary. "How much do you make?" sounds like you're sizing her up.
• Heavy personal stories. If she wants to share, she will. Don't pry.
• Politics and religion. Not off-limits, but they easily turn getting to know each other into an argument where you both lose.

These aren't taboo forever, it's a matter of timing. Once there's trust, these conversations become possible and even important. Example questions for that stage are in questions for couples.

What to do with a pause

1. Go back to an earlier topic. "Wait, how did the thing with your neighbor and her parrot end?" It shows you remembered.
2. Share something about yourself. Not "well, I…" in response to her story, just something from your day. A pause often happens because you've only been asking.
3. Be honest. "I got lost thinking about what you said about moving." An honest pause beats a frantic new topic.

If the pause over text stretches on for days, check out the article on awkward silence.

The main rule: listening matters more

You ask, she answers: "As a kid I spent summers at my grandma's in the countryside. There was a cow there I was terrified of." You could change the subject: "So what music are you into?" Or you could ask about the detail: "You were scared of a cow? What did it do to you?" The second option gets you five more minutes of laughing and the sense that you're listening for real, not just checking a box.

No more than two questions in a row. After the second, share something of your own. Otherwise it turns into an interrogation, even if the questions are good.

Where to practice

Keeping a conversation going is a skill, and you can practice it with zero risk. my-idol.ru has characters with all kinds of personalities: an enthusiastic cosplayer, a straight-A student who loves to correct you, a bounty hunter with a sharp tongue, a shy bookworm. Try the "ask about the detail" rule on each one and see where the conversation lasts longest. Characters remember the chat, so you can come back to a topic tomorrow, just like with a real person.

A ready-made list of questions, grouped from light to deep, is in conversation topics with a girl. And if you want to say something nice along the way, see compliments for a girl.