Who pays for his jealousy

Jealousy on its own says almost nothing about a guy. He saw you laughing with a coworker and felt a twinge. That's normal. What's interesting is what happens five minutes later.

Scenario one. He notices the twinge, maybe even snaps something, and that evening he says: "It bugged me when he put his arm around you. I know it's dumb, but there it is." After that, he deals with it himself. Your lunches with the coworker continue, and nobody demands a report on every conversation.

Scenario two. His twinge becomes your job. Now you have to soothe him: show him your messages, skip the office party, check in every hour, "not give him a reason." The feeling is still his, but the bill comes to you. In the first case, you have a jealous boyfriend. In the second, you have a boyfriend who controls you and uses jealousy as his excuse.

What a jealous boyfriend says: feeling vs. control

The difference shows up in words before it shows up in actions. Here's the same feeling in two modes.

  • You're going to a class reunionFeeling: "Honestly, I'm a little uneasy. Text me when you get there?" Control: "If you go, don't bother coming back."