Goal first, words second

Your phone buzzes, his name is on the screen, and your thumbs are already typing. Stop. First answer one question for yourself: how do I want this to end? There are four options.

  1. Get back togetherYou miss him and think a second chance is possible. Then reply warmly, but without throwing yourself at him.
  2. Stay friendsHe matters to you, just not as a partner. Keep the reply friendly and even, no hints.
  3. Close the chapterYou don't need anything more. Keep it short and polite — or don't reply at all.
  4. Put off the decisionYou don't know what you want. That's an honest option: you can reply neutrally or hold off until you figure it out.

Five questions to figure out what you want

  • What's changed since you broke up? Not feelings — facts: in him, in me, in the circumstances.
  • What do I feel when I imagine him asking to get back together: joy, anxiety, or exhaustion?