What Is a Crush: What the Word Means and What to Do If You Have One

Where the word "crush" comes from

To have a crush on someone means to fall hard for them. The verb "crush" means to squash or flatten, and it's spot on: the person walks into view and you feel pressed into the ground. Your heart pounds, your words get tangled, one thought keeps spinning in your head.

The English word made its way into Russian slang through social media about ten years ago and stuck, because it filled a gap. In Russian, the word for "liking someone" sounds too calm, and "being in love" sounds too serious. A crush is exactly in between: strong, sudden, and probably short-lived.

How a crush differs from liking someone or being in love

• Liking someone — they're pleasant, you enjoy talking to them. A calm feeling that doesn't keep you up at night.
• A crush — a strong pull toward someone you barely know. You're not so much in love with the person as with the image you filled in yourself.
• Being in love — a feeling for a real person you've gotten to know: their habits, flaws and weird jokes included.

A crush can grow into love if you start talking and the image survives contact with reality. Or it can melt after the very first conversation — when it turns out the mysterious guy from the gym spends twenty minutes talking about protein.

Six signs you have a crush

1. You've memorized their schedule and "happen" to be at the water cooler at exactly 11:40.
2. You check their social media several times a day — just in case there's a new photo.
3. One "hi" from them makes your whole evening, and a missed one ruins it.
4. You replay conversations in your head that never happened and maybe never will.
5. Meanwhile, in real life you've exchanged maybe ten sentences.
6. The thought of them figuring it out terrifies you — and secretly thrills you too.

What to text your crush

The biggest mistake is trying to come up with something perfect right away. Don't. Your first message to a crush should be light and have a reason behind it, so it's easy to reply to. A few openers:

• Something in common"Saw you were at the concert on Saturday too. What'd you think of the opener?" Shared experience is the easiest bridge.
• Ask for help"Do you know anything about bikes? I've narrowed it down to two and can't pick." People like helping, and the conversation keeps itself going.
• Reply to a storyReply to their story with a question, not an emoji: "Where is this? Looks like the kind of place you'd want to run away to."
• Be honest"I've wanted to talk to you for a while but never had a reason. Figured I don't need one." Sounds bold, but it's disarming.

If your crush is a guy and you don't know where to start, check out how to start texting a guy. And if it all comes down to shyness — how to stop being shy.

If your crush is an anime or movie character

Falling for Gojo from Jujutsu Kaisen, Levi from Attack on Titan, or Geralt is completely normal. Characters are deliberately made to be fallen for: good-looking, strong, with a secret and some pain in their past. There are even special words for this kind of crush — husbando and waifu.

It's only worth worrying if a fictional crush completely pushes out real people: you turn down plans because "no one compares." As long as it's part of your life and not your whole life, just enjoy it. More on where that line is in parasocial relationships.

How to talk to a crush who isn't around

The trouble with a crush is that they live in your head and the conversation never starts. On my-idol.ru, you can text your favorite anime, movie or book character: they reply in character, remember what you talked about yesterday, and don't vanish for three days. It's also good practice — the same opening lines that are scary to say to a real crush, you can say here with no risk of turning red.