How to Tell if a Girl Likes You: Signs in Person and Over Text

A smile isn't attraction yet

Most girls are taught from childhood to be friendly. Smiling at the cashier, keeping a conversation going with a coworker, answering an acquaintance's text: that's just politeness. If you read every smile as a hint, it's easy to imagine a romance that isn't there and then get hurt out of nowhere.

Attraction doesn't show in tone, it shows in investment. How much time, attention, and initiative someone spends on you compared to everyone else. Politeness costs nothing. Interest costs something.

In person: what gives interest away

• She turns her whole body toward you, not just her head, and doesn't look at her phone while you're talking.
• She holds your gaze, looks away, and looks back again. One long look isn't enough. What matters is that it repeats.
• She finds reasons to touch you: fixing your collar, touching your arm when she laughs.
• She laughs at your jokes more than they deserve. Yes, even the bad ones.
• In a group, she ends up next to you: sits closer, comes over when you're on your own.
• She's in no hurry to leave: "okay, I really should go" for the third time, and she's still here.

Over text: four signs of interest

1. She texts first, and not just about practical stuff. "Look what I saw, it made me think of you" is worth a dozen polite replies.
2. She writes full answers and asks questions back. The conversation doesn't die on her end.
3. She remembers details: asks how the job interview went that you mentioned last Tuesday.
4. She shares her own stuff: a photo from her walk, something funny at work, a bad mood. That's how people act with someone they're letting closer.

Reply speed tells you almost nothing. Some people answer everyone within a minute, others take three hours even with their mom. Don't compare her to yourself. Compare her to how she usually texts.

Interest or politeness: a quick cheat sheet

• Politeness: answers your questions. Interest: asks her own.
• Politeness: "yeah, that'd be fun sometime." Interest: "how about Thursday, I'm free after six."
• Politeness: the chat ends when the reason for it does. Interest: the reason's gone and you're still talking an hour later.
• Politeness: canceled and disappeared. Interest: canceled and suggested another day herself.

What doesn't mean anything

• Likes on social media. Lots of people like posts without even looking.
• Hearts and smileys in messages. For some it's a sign of warmth, for others it's just punctuation. More on that in our piece on what the parentheses smiley means in Russian texting.
• A compliment on your jacket. Girls hand out compliments generously to friends and coworkers alike.
• She agreed to coffee. Maybe she just finds you interesting to talk to. That's a good start, but it's not attraction yet.

How to know for sure without scaring her off

Don't ask "do you like me?" after two messages. That backs a person into a corner. Better to give her a chance to show interest:

• Ask her to a specific one-on-one plan. A yes with a day and time attached says more than any glances. How to do it without the awkwardness: see how to ask a girl out.
• Take a small one-day break from texting. If she writes first, that's a good sign.
• Give her a compliment that's not about her looks but about her as a person: "I love the way you tell stories, I could listen all day." See if she returns it.

What no list can tell you

No list can read someone's mind. Some girls flirt with everyone in sight, and some are head over heels but act pointedly cold out of embarrassment. The signs help you work up the nerve, but only a direct question gives you the answer, at the right moment and without pressure. If you're not sure, read up on the friend zone: sometimes warmth means friendship, and that's valuable too.

How to train your eye

Reading signals is a skill, and you can practice it. On my-idol.ru there are heroines with all kinds of personalities: shy, proud, prickly, hiding their feelings behind teasing. Chatting with them helps you notice how differently the same interest can look, and lets you calmly rehearse asking someone out.