The formula: a reason + a hook, no scorekeeping

  • A reasonAnswers the question "why now?" You saw a poster for her favorite band, drove past the café you two went to, stumbled on a meme about her job.
  • A hookSomething easy to reply to: a question, asking for advice, a choice between two options. "You're the coffee expert: Ethiopia or Colombia?"
  • No scorekeepingNo "well, look who disappeared" or "thought you forgot about me." Even as a joke, a dig like that puts her on the defensive.

Put it all together: "Drove past that bakery with the insane croissants today and remembered you arguing with the cashier about the almonds. It's still open, can you believe it? Have you been back since?"

Situation 1. After a long silence

  • A week or twoThe gap is barely noticeable. Pick up an old topic like nothing happened: "Hey, I finally finished that show you recommended. That ending, what even was that?" If you were the one who went quiet, a short "Sorry, disappeared on you, it was a crazy week" is enough.